All to often, and this applies to each and everyone of us, if we have a loss of a loved one in our lives (and I have… lost my first wife in 1998) the grief can be totally consuming in nature. Just to give you an understanding of this (if you have not gone through this yourself) I’m going to include a writing on grief I wrote a few years ago, for my adopted Mom when her husband passed away, to help her in her moment of need. Please look below…
“After the curb… the street remains”©
My adopted Mom just experienced the worst thing that can ever happen to any couple… the passing of her Husband. The loss of a loved one can often bring a myriad of emotions to forefront, ranging in intensity, with the possibility of experiencing multiple emotions at the same time. The truth is… one can often experience a flood of emotional reactions at any given moment, and for any given reason. The memory of: something shared, commonly stated phrases, smells of favorite dishes, the mention of football teams or braking for the neighbor’s dog. The range of experiences that can touch or trigger an emotional response or reaction are way to numerous to mention or attempt to list. It may be the smallest thing, seemingly insignificant to people that may be around… but the best thing people can do for someone in that situation is: not to overreact, be supportive and understanding while present… plus, most of all, allow the person grieving to go through the emotional out-pouring in their own way. It is hard enough for a person grieving, already, and they probably do not need a shade-tree psychoanalysis on what they should be feeling. They alone are the one’s feeling what ‘the emotional blender’ has prepared for them that particular moment. Comfort them as much as humanly possible.
One thing that doesn’t seem to be thought of, by most people during this time, is the need to eat. A prepared meal taken over to the home of our: loved one, friend or neighbor… during their time of need can go a long way. This is the best thing to help them see and understand… life goes on. Without this kind of help and support the grieving process could be prolonged and protracted. Granted, everyone grieves differently… as we are all not the same; however, the commonality of each and everyone of us as humans affords us the simply truth… we need to eat to live.
Changes don’t come easy, especially sudden changes to life patterns we have become accustomed to. The awkwardness of saying pluralistic responses vs. singular can throw you in a tail-spin too. Remember, it may be something little to you but it can feel like ‘the Grand Canyon’ to someone in grief’s shoes. Your sensitivity in reacting to those types of misstated gaffs can help recovery too.
Isolation is the worst thing that could happen… not to be confused with time alone by request. There will be times needed to sort things out. Depression should always be a concern for anyone subjected to this natural occurrence in life. A happy balance for friends and family to recognize and respect… a must.
I speak from experience. I lost my first wife in “98” and looking forward to my second fourth anniversary this month. Life does continue… you just have to get away from the curbs of our lives to see the street still has traffic. Look both ways before you cross the street.
As this is applied to the disciples, in regard to the loss of Jesus, Jesus told them, beforehand, all that would transpire. He told them He would be gone for a little while and return. He told them they were going to depart from Him and would leave Him, and even told Peter (who staunchly said he would do no such thing) you will deny me thrice before the cock crows this night. All of this was unimaginable to the disciples… to hear these things was just to much to bear, even worse when it actually happened but Jesus also told them He would return… that they might see Him again (speaking of the resurrection and the conquering of death) and their joy would be returned.
As always, I would request that you pray first… prior to reading the scripture provided, that you might be granted a deeper understanding of God’s word and find the truth of God within your heart when it is over.
John 16:20 Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament , but the world shall rejoice : and ye shall be sorrowful , but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
John 16:22 And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice , and your joy no man taketh from you.
John 16:24 Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask , and ye shall receive , that your joy may be full
John 17:13 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.
Acts 2:28 Thou hast made known to me the ways of life; thou shalt make me full of joy with thy countenance.
You can read all of John 16 or listen to it all
When it comes to grief, the sorrow of loss felt by the human heart, we should know we do have the choice… to wallow in it or embrace our grief with the knowledge “glory” shall be the resulting expectation, and truth which comes from the loving grace known by God Himself. This is the cornerstone of our joy… the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and the knowledge that He lives is the very basis for our hope (the lynch pin of Christianity). From this hope is faith secured… and it should be up to us to gain strength from this knowledge and strive to deepen the faith we have (to mature) by the growth God makes manifest in us as we continue in our daily lives and His word. My prayer for you (the one that reads this and takes it to heart) is that you might feel the need to know more of God if you should know Him already, and if you don’t know Jesus (our LORD and Savior/God almighty) you might share in the conviction of the Holy Spirit of the need for God in your life. I ask you to invite God into your life by: asking His forgiveness, confess your sins and repent of them… you will be a new creature in the eyes of God and shall be written down in “The Lamb’s Book of Life.” Eternal life is worth being joyful over… this is why christians have hope. (D.V.)
Your Brother in Christ Jesus,
See this one here…
where it was placed first.